A Needle In A Hay Stack

Believing a man can be faithful when you’ve been exposed to cheating men your entire life is like finding a needle in a hay stack.

Can a man REALLY be faithful?
Yeah your words sound nice and all, and as much as I would really like to think that you are actually being monogamous to me,

It’s hard to believe that,
when all you’ve seen were cheating men.

You were not there.
Your eyes did not witness
Your ears didn’t hear.

Plus in society,
there’s such a thing as male privilege.

You can sleep around with your whores and return home to your wife and society says its ok. A woman can’t without being verbally degraded until she is a crumb.

My abuelo (May he rest in peace) was married to my abuela.
They had five children. He had 5×2
They were married young.
She 14, him 18.

My surplus of aunts and uncles was normal to me.
I didn’t mind.

Or the men who had different women in rotation,

or listening to my cousin’s saying sweet shit to a chicks ear.

Yes, I hear you when you tell me you love me and that you’re faithful to me.

But my grandfather said that too,
So did the men in my family,
& I remember my cousins saying that to their girls
and i’m just thinking damn this girl a fool.

I understand that I’m your woman.
BUT please don’t have me looking stupid.

They say these niggas out here for everybody,
well my man isn’t. I’m trusting you every single day.

But I still believe that finding a faithful man is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Dear Hip-Hop

Nas didn’t lie when he said hip-hop was dead..

And now Hip-Hop is killing us.

Hip-Hop died when we started letting other people control our labels, our distribution, and now they control the content.

We let the dollar signs,
Sign away our soul,
On the same lines,
Of losing our creation.

We were uplifting our people,
Through our struggle tales of the streets and rapping about self destruction and unity.

We were fighting the power
And screaming fuck the police,
We were coming together
And we had a message for our youth.

Black women were told they were beautiful.
Black Men stood together..

But now look at this shit y’all call music. This aint hip-hop,
Its self hate music.

Black men rapping about hating Black women

Black men rapping about killing black men

Black men rapping about drugs

Black men rapping about material shit

How did we go from
Mentioning Marcus Garvey
To just mentioning Ferraris?

Hip-Hop is in its death bed with a oxygen tube still puffing on cigarettes.

How can a creation made from a people of love, uplift, unity, honesty and the Black aesthetic become something so negative, hateful, materialistic, and bitter?

Are you going to continue to let our music be exploited, watered down, and shitty or are you going to take action and take our shit back?

2016: The Year of Self-Investment

invest-in-you-now

 

I have a huge heart.

But with having a big heart–
I tend to utilize it for others,
Instead of myself.

So my main focus for this year is to invest in MYSELF.

I have 1 major goal (To become more independent) I want to accomplish this year. In order to do that I must accomplish these three goals I’ve set for myself.

1. Have a minimum of 3 sources of income.

2. Get my license

3. Have an adequate savings account.

I chose these three specific goals because they’re realistic & I can give myself time to complete them.

Goal Number One

I currently have two jobs and I’m a full time college undergrad. One job I have back home & the other at school. However, this form of income is not enough to survive and save on, in addition to it being inconsistent.

Finding new sources of income that would supplement the one I have now would make my goals easier to accomplish & I may be able to accomplish them faster.

             Goal Number Two

I’ve had my learners permit since I was 17, so I know, you don’t have to say it– its LONG OVERDUE.

My summer breaks are my longest school breaks & my permit expires on my 22nd birthday (this year), So I have to utilize my time wisely & make it happen, no excuses!

              Goal Number Three

I’ve already taken the necessary steps of managing my money by teaching myself about financially literacy (I spend a lot of time in Barnes & Noble honey) I’m working on a budget to figure out where my money is going, & I’ve already set aside money out of my check.

If I continue to keep up with my new habits, I should be alright.

I have also come up with another set of goals that I want to incorporate into my daily life.

I call them, MBS Goals.

Mind Goals: goals that effect my mental health & stimuli. Things that can expand my mind.

Body Goals: goals that effect my physical health and well being.

Soul Goals: goals that effect my emotional/creative health. Nurturing the very things that makes me–me.

Mind:
1. Read at least 1 book a month
2. Learn a language
3. Expand my vocabulary

Body:
1. Workout daily
2. Eat healthier
3. Drink more water

Soul:
1. Learn to meditate
2. Pick up a hobby
3. Stop Stressing!!!

Having your goals documented makes it that much easier to accomplish them because you have reminders. Anything you want to accomplish this year? Write your goals down and make them happen!

 

21.

“Wine, hip-hop, and a good book.”

That’s the essence of who I am.

Three words.

Yet three words with a plot twist– everytime.

7,665 days later

My answer hasn’t changed.

With time, it only got better, young girl from the South Bronx, the South South Bronx, who had a story so crazy to tell, it could’ve rocked a nation.

After spending time back in The Bronx for my winter vacation; I’ve been given the opportunity to walk through the same neighborhood I grew up in. The first institution of my learning. My sense of place. My home. I’ve been feeling really nostaligic lately.

Between spending time with beloved family members, or indulging in the flavors of The Bronx that set my tastebuds on fire (Shout out to J&J Restaruant & Cuchifritos on Tremont Ave for that Bomb ASS Cuban Sandwhich! OKAY! It had me singing and dancing in my seat. You can ask my mami.) It was humbling, yet it was both refreshing and enlightening.

 

But I got to sit down and ask myself.

Who was I then? And who am I now?

So allow, me to reintroduce myself..*HOV Voice*

My name is Rebecca. I prefer Becca.

I love water, tea, preferably peppermint tea, and wine.

Red or white. I don’t care. As long as it’s not too stiff or dry, It’s cool.

I like low lighting, burning fragrance oil, and incense,

Shea butter, Coconut oil, and Black soap,

I’m an Afro Latina from The South Bronx,

I love Platanos just as much as I love Collard Greens,

My favorite romance movie is Love Jones,

& if I had to describe my relationship in a movie title, it would be Love Jones.

Subconsciously, my favorite color is purple, but for some reason I’m in denial of it and it shows.. literally lol. I wear purple all the time. ( That stems from the time my mom didn’t let me paint my room hot pink, so I decided to pick Lavender. Thats where it all started.)

 

I don’t like big crowds,

I don’t like to follow trends,

but I don’t consider myself a trendsetter,

although I’ve noticed I have influenced others.

I’m humble enough to think that I’m stylish and fashionable,

but I don’t think I have the right to tell people what to wear.

 

Shiiiit, If i like something, and I wanna wear it, Honestly,

I could care less what some other motherfucka might think because 9/10 I look cute and I know i look good. And my man is always saying so lmao.

I’m a Queen.

I was once lost.

But I am found.

I found myself.

No one found her for me, because no one else can.

I’ve made mistakes and silly decisions.

But I’m still human.

and i always say.

“If someone still holding on to the things that you may have done wrong in the past, if thats literally the ONLY thing they’re still trying to throw in your face, It’s really because deep down inside, you got it going on and you shitting on them. So fuck it, let them go. Negativity energy gotta go.”

I’m twenty-one years old.

I’m old enough to go to bars.

I actually drink less liquor at 21

than i did before I turned 21.

(Yes, i drank underage, so what?)

I actually love wine more than liquor.

i drink wine while i watch scandal

i drink it when i eat dinner,

when im listening to jazz,

reading or doing homework.

My taste in music has evolved as well. My interest, everything has changed.

I HAVE PURPLE LOCS!!!!!!

Anyone who has known me since i was a little girl, did you ever imagine I would look the way I do now, did you imagine my life differently from what it is now? 

I still have my love for reading and learning. Mannnnnnn, I can sit in Barnes and Nobles for hours and hours just reading. Shit, I even got a brand new library card. Things I picked up as a kid. I’m doing in my adult life. I’m twenty one years old now. My Illmatic years are over.

It’s the first chapter of my life story of womanhood. And though it seems like a scary world in this cold world as a Black woman, to be on this journey is mind-boggling but I have no choice but to embrace. I’m twenty-one and grateful to still be alive as a Black Woman In America. Some of my brothers and sisters don’t even make it that far..

May our brothers and sisters who we have lost rest in peace.

Peace & Blessings,

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  • Medusa.

 

The slave ship never landed on American soil,

It just kept on sailing
While transforming into something else.

Slavery is NOT over,
Look around you.
It is time for you to wake up from the lies, and embrace the truth.

Once Plantations, now corporations,
Working hard for wages, that can’t pay your rent.

I’m so hell bent–
On how an unarmed black man can end up dead like Sandra Bland, In police custody with cuffs on their hands, with more than enough evidence yet the cops walk away a free man.

White privilege is so real
And so is racism,
How dare an Anglo try to tell me how to feel,
When my brothers and sisters dying left to right,
While some picking up bibles in stead of trying to fight..

This ugly war of white supremacy…

( To Be Continued..)

Is That You Over There?

… The uncertainty is killing me, its a fresh new start. I had it all figured out, but as soon as I set my fingers to type, my brain goes blank, & I have no idea what to write..

There it goes all over again..
Thoughts jumping from place to place,
Too many ideas at once, my mind continues to race…

What shall I write about now?
Food, college, fashion, music, hell.. Idk
I just put my fingers to these keys and let it flow..

So as I sit here & try not to stress,
I would like to welcome you to my WordPress.

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Medusa 12/16/15